Last Updated on November 14, 2019
You were close once, but now they never call or answer your calls. They don’t come to your family’s functions. They don’t seem to want to see you. And there’s nothing you can do about it. It can hurt to have no say in the demise of a family relationship. But, sometimes people make choices based on what they are dealing with that doesn’t align with the person you used to know. Let’s talk about some affirmations that you can say to help you deal with a family member who disappears from your life.
1. I Devote My Energy To The People Who Want Me In Their Life
You can try to fix things with your family members, but there’s only so much you can do. If they won’t answer your calls or agree to work on your relationship, then stop putting your energy on them. You have better things and people to put your energy on.
I used to work in a hospital. I remember one man, who was in emergency, told me that he spent years trying to get his brother to talk to him. He put so much energy on his brother that he had pushed other people away. And, to top it off, he knew he was making himself sick with the amount of negative energy he had in his life because he was so upset over the whole thing. He vowed that from that day forward, he wasn’t going to get sick over his brother anymore. He knew there was nothing he could do about it anymore. Interestingly, he told me that whatever was wrong with him likely had to do with his desperation to get his brother back in his life. And, he was going to focus on the people who loved him and creating the life he wanted.
You only have so many days, so many hours, and so much energy available to you. Use as many as you can wisely on things that bring you joy and move you towards happiness.
2. I Forgive My Family Member
You must forgive your family members for disappearing from your life. If you don’t, your anger and hurt will eat at you until you do.
Forgive them for not giving you a good explanation or for just making it hard to even try. You can also forgive them for choosing someone else over you. Whatever they have done, forgive it.
Do this by accepting they are doing what they feel is right. Connect with your higher self and realize that all things happen for a reason – whether you can see it or not, and let this be one of those things.
You can also take responsibility for anything you may have said or done to make this happen. They have some or most of the responsibility, and that’s on their shoulders. But if you are only blaming them, you are not going to forgive them as easily as you will when you realize that you have a part to play in the situation.
And lastly, just be kind. Be someone who allows other people to be who they want to be and go through what they need to go through, and forgive them for any hurt or pain they may cause you as a result.
3. I Did What I Could To Keep The Relationship Together
I’m assuming you gave the relationship plenty of chances. Maybe you and your family member argued a lot before this happened. Or maybe you had little things happening here and there that broke your bond apart, but you still kept trying anyway.
It’s important to acknowledge that you did what you could to keep the relationship together, and that’s all you can do. You can’t force the relationship to stay together because it’s made up of two people, and that other person gets to make their own choices.
If you suddenly realize that you didn’t give the relationship a fair chance – maybe you wouldn’t let them express their viewpoints, or you talked poorly to them around other family members or you treated them poorly – then you may want to let your family member know that you realize you have some responsibility.
By sharing that, they may be more open to talking about your relationship. But, it’s not a guarantee. They may have made up their mind and, if so, then at least you can say that you tried.
4. I’m Always There For Them If They Want To Talk
You don’t have to cut out the idea of having a relationship with them in order to move on and feel better. You can affirm to yourself that you will be there if they want to reach out, but, until then, you are not going to put more energy into something that isn’t working out. Maybe later they will change, you will change, and you will be able to have a good relationship with them.
My sister and I have traveled a long and rocky road to get to the place where we can talk to each other about anything…or to talk period. Age difference and sibling rivalry kept us estranged for most of our lives, but growing up has made us closer.
— Acórea D. Sims (@SukiKounTree) October 17, 2018
This will take away the feeling of never having a relationship with them again. It will make it easier to move on knowing that maybe someday things will change, but until then you will be fine.
It’s interesting that many people who cut off ties with their family members end up dealing with a lot of regret later on in life. This is especially true of siblings. Thirty or forty years down the road, there are often only siblings left who remember your childhood, parents, traditions, and other shared experiences. But, that’s not something you should struggle with if you’ve done your part in trying to keep the relationship together.
5. Not All Family Stays Together
Sometimes we are stuck with bullshit rules or ‘brules’ – as Vishen Lakhiani would say, that are completely untrue. The brule that family must stay together is one of them.
It’s not written in stone that you need to stay in a relationship with someone who is abusive to you. Nor is it written that you must stay with someone who doesn’t like you, treats you poorly, or makes you feel bad about yourself. That’s not an absolute truth. That’s a brule.
A healthy family can be a great blessing in life. But, an unhealthy family can do a lot of damage, and you don’t need to ‘stick it out’ with someone because they are related to you. You need to look after your own health, just like you would do with an unhealthy friendship or intimate relationship.